I was trying to describe this pain I felt...

This a new kind of pain 

I thought I had sampled every kind 

This pain comes deep from the inside 

First just an icepicks acuteness 

Then it swells and engulfs my chest 

Warms me physically 

It disorients me 

Like I’ve been lost in the wilderness wounded for several weeks 

Infection making my flesh rott 

Days running together no longer able to benchmark rise and fall - light or darkness 

And the tears 

The tears are unkind and unpredictable.. 

I prefer to suffer in silence 

But when the tears fall I feel like a child 

Inconsolable .. so its best I don't go outside 

You told me you never knew anyone could be affected by your presence 

I listened silently 

But I thought that statement alone was an injustice to the person you are 

I wanted that to be something that you knew unequivocally 

You are powerful 

Now I truly know how much 

The day you left I just sat 

Numb yet optimistic at first waiting for you to safely arrive at your destination 

Then hours went by 

No call 

The previous week you were so closed off 

I just wanted to love you 

Labeled melodramatic when I resolved I can never love like this again 

If I can’t place my full faith in you 

Who can I trust 

If I never wake you up 

Who can I sleep with 

The pain comes to me again 

It grants me bursts of clarity 

Is this calamity of my own design 

If I can’t see you for who you truly are than surely I’m blind 

I can’t trust myself.. 

I question everything


and at this point I was probably crying uncontrollably so for now that's where it ends 

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